Confessions…(mourning for backslidden peers)

Dear LORD, I’ve been looking back…

and  remembering the day you opened up my eyes..

In the painful winter of my young life…

You showed me something I had never seen before,

(tho I had often gazed at the crucifix in church and wondered…)

But  when I read the book, (tho I was depressed and distracted)

You put clay in my eyes, and opened them…

now I see, that

“He made him who knew no sin, to be sin for us…” 

You commanded me to understand…

That as a substitute, Jesus died for me…



Dear LORD I have been looking around…

Where are those who set out on the good path with me?

What happened to throw so many off the track?

Who has bewitched my brothers and sisters

…the ones who had rejoiced at the beginning?

We began so well…and so strong!

We were the ‘Kings Kids’, we who flooded the churches…

We were so hungry, going to conferences and devouring cassettes,

And we worshipped you,

We sang in the Spirit, lifting Holy Hands..

Oh how we knew “the Power of Praise”

…and we always gave Chick tracts to the lost …

We let Keith Green challenge us, 2 Chapter of Acts and Love Song too…

They were our Psalmists.


Here we are almost forty years later,

so much closer to your return

and I wonder…are they asleep? Or have they died?  (Twice dead?)…

Where did they go?

We didn’t think the fire would ever go out…nor the Love would fade…

I was sure you would be here by now…but I wait…



Dear Lord I cringe, at the remembrance of our youthful pride,

We were going to do this better than any others before us,

So we dove into Word/Faith, inner healing, deliverance, and Power Evangelism,

We despised “Religion”, which we considered dead…

could this be how so many of us died?


What happened to so many?

How You warned us all, dear Shepherd ,

of the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches…

And the lust for other things…

What did we expect would happen, as we heaped to ourselves teachers,

and prophets tellings us what we wanted to hear?

We should have listened…(but they told us we were great!)

What did we want?

What is there that is better than knowing you, dear Shepherd of my Soul?



LORD I have been looking up…for I know, that my Redemption draweth nigh…


For it is obvious now, that this world is soon passing…

I never wanted to have to live in Sodom… nor Egypt…

I have always longed for something higher and purer…

Than this world has to offer…

You put that longing in us OH Lord,


Thank you, Author and finisher, for preserving me…

You woke me up…

on the day when my friends celebrated the blasphemy,

as tho it were bold faith…

When We asked ourselves,

‘What have we gotten ourselves into?’…

But patiently you took us back…

to that which we heard at the beginning,

I Love you Lord, for your correction, for by it…

You have saved me, and do save me, and will yet save me till the end!














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16 Responses to Confessions…(mourning for backslidden peers)

  1. I can really identify with this … we have such a wonderful Saviour who knows us better than we know ourselves! Eileen

  2. ianrtsept says:

    Dear Ps Bill On reading your post, the Lord reminded me of John 6 : 43 – 69. Especially verses 67,68&69. Peter would have been sad at the loss of friends because they were offended by what Jesus had said, but what beautiful medicine for a grieving spirit, verse 69; And we believe and are sure that thou art that Christ, the Son of the living God. What a wonderful Saviour is Jesus my Lord. I pray that our God will continue to bless you and your wife, as you continue to uphold His Truth.

    Ruth Adkin Sent from my iPad


  3. Davy Rosengreen says:

    Thanks Bill. God bless!

  4. Char stucki says:

    His grace has brought us safe thus far. His grace will lead us Home. By His grace we will finish well… Fighting the good fight.. Keeping THE faith. Thanks Bill. . Like you I’ve been doing some looking too.. But only in Looking. Unto HIM. THe Author and Finisher can my heart find rest.

  5. Dianne Plourde says:

    As one who was saved in 1971 at age 20, I fully related to this poem. Sadly, my first Christian friend back then is now full-blown new age, seeking ‘god’ in all the occult ways she can find, hearing angel’s voices and all the rest. I believe that the charismatic movement of that day left many of us open to a ‘new spirituality’ that bordered on new age even then. We were constantly seeking the ‘experiential’ …. new revelation …. as you said, ‘to do it better than those before us’. Full of youthful pride & ignorance, despising ‘religion’, we were more religious than anyone! I am even now trying to recover from a life-long pursuit of God that was often down the wrong path. He is Lord & uses all things … but it is hard sometimes. I honor His Word above all, more than ever now. I often feel alone in this … but know there are others out there who are seeking to recover their lives back to His simplicity once again. Thank you for this blog and your books, which have been helpful.

  6. Dianne Plourde says:

    I may have posted two comments – because I thought the first one got deleted accidentally. 😦

  7. Daniel says:

    Yes Bill, haven’t we been looking around and looking in and 40 years later the picture is awe inspiring. I have read your text and felt myself tuning in and singing it…

    Dear Lord… the day you opened my eyes…
    We began so well and so strong…
    We were the King’s kids…
    We worshipped you…
    Here we are…

    Dear Lord I cringe…
    We despised religion…
    What happened to so many…
    How you warned us…
    We should’ve listened…

    What is there that is better than knowing you…?
    Dear Shepherd of my Soul.

    Thanks Bill. It is indeed inspiring!

  8. Amanda says:

    Thank you Bill.
    Praise God! Our wonderful Lord is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

    For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting, And His truth endures to all generations.
    Psalms 100:5

  9. Marie says:

    “Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.”
    1 Cor 9:24
    “Not that I have already obtained it (the final resurrection/salvation) or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.” Phil 3:12
    So many people begin this ‘race’ not ever coming to the realization that it IS possible NOT to make it to the end. We have a role to play – and Jesus must BE and REMAIN our FIRST LOVE! This is NOT a ‘work’ (as some accuse), but our only SAFE ‘state of being’!! And IF we choose to remain “in Him and His GOODNESS”, He WILL guard and lead us through these land-mines as our “Good Shepherd”. Praise the Lord this is evident in YOUR life, and you are now able to teach others!! Sadly, this possibility of ‘falling away’ is a little known/taught truth, and the delusion is SO strong, and our FLESH will always lead us astray if possible!! Those of us who understand, and have seen this happen, have a duty to warn others… pulling them away from the fire.
    “For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame.
    For ground that drinks the rain which often falls on it and brings forth vegetation useful to those for whose sake it is also tilled, receives a blessing from God; but if it yields thorns and thistles, it is worthless and close to being cursed, and it ends up being burned.” Hebrews 6:4-8

  10. Dianne Plourde says:

    Left a couple of replies … not sure if they get monitored & you didn’t agree .. or if they somehow didn’t send. No great loss, I guess, but I appreciated your poem & had a comment, as I was saved in 1971. 🙂

  11. midrashcreed says:

    I can readily identify with the feelings expressed in your poem Bill, even though I came into the truth from a different theological direction. This can be seen in the following autobiographical meditation.


    You were the best of companions
    One of the first to hear
    Of my conversion in October 1975
    And rejoice in the work that Christ
    Had done in my life
    How I enjoyed sharing my testimony with you
    Until the early hours

    You were a wonderful Christian
    With a real concern for the poor
    Your pastoral skills were beyond compare
    As was your ability to show compassion for the weak

    In our youth we enjoyed
    A sweet fellowship
    Singing choruses of praise
    And worshipping Christ together
    Oh, how good and pleasant it was
    To dwell together in unity (Psalm 133:1)

    On a Holy Island Retreat we watched
    A pale March sunset
    Sink beneath a sparse Northumbrian Coastline
    Enjoying a godly stillness
    Broken only by the noise of birds

    On monastic retreats
    We would participate in the liturgy
    Chanting our responses
    And sharing the Eucharist

    Late into a winter’s night
    We discussed scripture
    Probing its mysteries
    And uncovering its teaching
    On God’s purposes for Israel
    We attended each other’s marriages
    And as young parents raising children
    Our fellowship continued
    And, you displayed a wonderful hospitality
    To my sons

    It was with delight
    That I saw you grow into a mature ministry
    I could sense how you were loved
    By those whom you cared for
    You were one of the first
    To see what I too could offer the Church

    In a time of great crisis
    You were of great help

    For reasons that were a mystery to me
    You became furtive
    You failed to return my calls
    And when I did get through
    The answers you gave were evasive

    A chilly coolness replaced our former warmth
    With each of us harboring a muted suspicion
    In response stern warnings were given but ignored
    And the friendship between us died

    Where did it all go wrong?
    Why such cold evasion?
    What caused the quiet antagonism between us?

    Years later
    On a visit to Holy Island with my wife
    I found an answer
    A Church leaflet revealed that you were propagating
    A false New Age spirituality
    The idols of Eastern Mysticism had beguiled you
    A training in Liberal Theology
    Had besotted your mind
    When its evil fruits should at least
    Have exerted a healthy scepticism
    As I’d once feared and worried
    God’s Word was no longer enough
    Your fine pastoral gifts were now misleading people
    In the nicest possible way
    Your once fine ideals now thoroughly perverted
    To serve a useless nothingness

    With dismay I saw
    How you’d retreated into a ‘Narnia Neverland’
    Where fantasy is mistaken for reality and
    A toothless Aslan gives no roar

    Now, you collaborate with worthless dreamers (Jude 8)
    For whom Christianity is nothing but a fairy tale
    They offer a healing which is no healing
    And a therapy which is no therapy
    You work happily with those
    Who propagate pagan myths (Titus 1:14-15)
    Seeing more ‘truth in them’ than you do in scripture

    ‘The spirit’ you serve
    Is no longer the Holy Spirit
    But ‘the spirit of anti-Christ’
    Who works assiduously to replace the truth with a lie

    You have been given over to deception
    Yet to you darkness is light
    You have been given over to folly
    Yet to you such folly is wisdom

    You no longer discern where you are going
    For the ‘Prince of this World’ (John 16:11 & 1 John 2:11b)
    Has distorted your vision
    And your darkened your mind
    The light of the Gospel
    Has been banished from your life

    Long ago you deafened yourself to all of my warnings
    And error has been the result
    For me this has produced a bitterly tragic vindication

    Alas, I could weep for you
    But inside I’m too numb for tears
    Alas, I could bemoan and sigh for you
    But inside I’m too stunned by grief
    Alas, I could howl for the ruin of your soul
    But inside I know that there’d be no point

    The friendship between us is dead
    The fellowship we once enjoyed is over
    Restoration would take a miracle
    Because you have wilfully chosen to fully embrace this error
    This second bereavement is worse than the first
    Because I know we’re now on different sides
    In a spiritual war
    The last hopes of reconciliation have ebbed away

    Why did you stray from the truth?
    What foolishness possessed your mind?
    Wasn’t the high esteem you were held in by others not enough?
    Was your faith so weak that you had to resort to Buddhist meditation for comfort?
    Didn’t the scriptures provide the consolation you needed?
    Evidently not
    For you are friends with those
    Who offer a demonized psychology

    Oh, how I grieve for you my ex friend
    My former companion in Christ
    For the chasm between us is unbridgeable
    You have made a shipwreck of your faith (1 Timothy 1:19)
    And there’s nothing I can do

  12. Zaza says:

    I relate
    Born again 1958
    The learning curve
    So alike for us

  13. Zaza says:

    No typed error
    Born again 1968

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